I miss you when I don’t see you for 2 days. I miss you after I leave your house at night. I’m always thinking about you, you’re the first person I think of in the morning and you are what I’m thinking of at night. I’m nervous about our future and I don’t want us to leave to different places. I don’t know what I want to do, im scared. Now you haven’t been telling me about your emotions and I am scared about that as well. I need you to talk to me, not tell me off and say you don’t feel like it. You aren’t the only person who gets hurt in these situations. I am always trying my best to make you happy, why can’t you see that? I could go anywhere I’d like but I want to be with you. It’s so difficult for me not to text you.. I want to come see you.. no I can’t do that though. Uhhhg this is so frustrating.
Go back a year from today and I was a nervous little boy. Nervous driving with you, nervous talking to you, nervous going to see you, I was just a real fuckin pussy! It didn’t take long for me to get 100% comfortable around you which is great. Thanks for being there for me when I was injured <3 and thanks for being there when I needed to complain. Without you this year would have been extremely depressing, you have made my life so much better. I love you so much and hope I get to write a yearly message for many years to come :) xoxoxo
Why can I not do anything right. I just want to be happy and have you happy with me.
So I am putting this on tumblr because I don’t know what else to do, I want to write this down somewhere. I can’t put it on twitter because my friends will see it. I am upset, more upset than I think I’ve been this last year and it might be hard for me to write this. I put so much effort into having this person first on my priorities, first on my list of people to talk to every day, first thing when I wake up I check my phone to see if you have messaged me, if not i message you with a smile on my face. You don’t realize how upsetting this entire argument is for me. I am trying my fucking hardest to say how I feel without being “controlling” but apparently I am terrible at it. All I want is to be happy and have you be the same, by my side. Last night I slept for about 5 hours and woke up extremely anxious and nauseous. I was coughing up blood for 5 minutes and I don’t even know why. Arguing makes me so unstable, I can’t be productive and I just want to be happy. I don’t know why I can’t just get over it but it doesn’t work, I can’t help how I feel about this all I can do is tell the truth. Im fucking crying while writing this like wtf uhhghghg. I would do anything for you and for this to work. None of my friends can relate to me, I can’t ask people for advice, I can’t not be “controlling”, I dont know what to say half the time. If this was anyone else I would have just given up and left. You are someone I want to be with for such a long time and if we can get over this shit I think I will be happy for an extremely long time. My head feels like I could just keep writing until I fall over but when I try to form sentences I get upset. Guess thats it for now.